The house is closed in

Check out my beautiful red roof. and looky looky we have windows...I LOVE IT. It is spring break so I am awaiting futher instructions from my father. We will see what happens ;-)

Stop, It's MAN TIME

Nicholas pretends he is sleeping so mom will leave him and Richard asleep. Son, you aren't even looking tired you look hippy hyppy hyper.

Another, never thought I would see the day...

Richard Colors a picture AND enjoys it. He was actually very possesive of his color crayons.

Pa-dad

So I was teasing Richard in the begining that we had to come up with something other than Richard to call him, Since he thinks of himself as the ultimate "Red Neck" (Richard if you read this, you have to realize red necks don't listen to Bach or go to the symphany for fun, so technically even if you want a gun rack for the truck........) I started calling him Pa and had the kids call him Pa. To be honest I just wanted to annoy him. It didn't really work because he just smiled at us all. So today Audrey and I were taking Richard a computer and lunch to work. Audrey was talking about carrying Richard lunch and said Not Richard, Pa-dad. I laughed, kids are so good at expressing themselves. Audrey enjoyed running around outside and refused to get into the car so we got to spend a few minutes outside. Richard finished up lecture and came out to give Audrey some hugs and tickles while we enjoyed the sunshine. Spontanously Audrey told Richard, "Pa-Dad, I love you!" and ran around the statue at Heritage University again. When we got in the car and started to pull around Audrey started shouting "Pa, Pa, Pa, I will miss you" she then started to get upset because, he couldn't hear her. So we pulled around so she could say, "Pa-Dad, I will miss you."
We always called Greg, Daddy when he was alive so I am careful to still call Greg, Daddy. Audrey is very aware that he is in heaven and will say to others, my daddy, or sometimes, daddy Greg is in heaven. I am grateful that Richard continues to honor Greg as their daddy. I think for some men it would be hard to do. For Nicholas and Madison, we have deeper conversations about Richard's role in their lives, that he would like to be their Dad. I feel comfortable in saying that Greg is happy that there is someone willing to do things for them that he would do if he was here. In the hospital we called it "doing the dad things". For children that can be a huge source of worry when someone is sick and not home or is going to pass away soon. One of question is inevidably who is going to do the things, that the parent would have. At the time we had a wonderful friend, Marc and Uncle Dan "doing the dad things". Since we moved away from our home in Stevenson it has been hard. My Father is around but is busy working and building our house, and my younger brother work fulltime and has a family of his own so life get's very busy.
Nicholas was a bit upset with me last night, I got home from a soccer game(my own, I attempted to play it is pretty laughable) and I went in to give him a kiss. I had apparently interupted Man Time with Richard. Nicholas was voicing his complaint and desire for more man time when i said you will see him tomorrow and you can have man time then. Only today did I realize what a silly thing this is to tell a child who's parent has passed. I probably told Nicholas something to the same nature the night Greg went to the hospital and nothing was ever the same.
How lucky we are to love again. The children and I. We now have two wonderful men that love us. However that means we have two wonderful men to miss now. Audrey would wrap her arms around me when Iwould come home from the hospital(and continued to do when I started school) whispering in my ear "I miss you, when your gone."
I have a tendancy to worry about the what if's. I can actually scare myself silly with them sometimes. I also tend to go over scenarios of what WONT work instead of what can work. I think this must be a symptom of not giving my life into God's hands. I must be a bit deludided to think of what ifs and what wonts, like I actually have any control over this thing called Life. Oh and like ALL Mormons, I have a well established guilt meter that has become more and more sensitive with each child born. And since I have had an epiphany of telling Nicholas he can have man time later, I will feel guilt telling Nicholas there is always tomorrow. But I really have got to relearn to trust, that there will be a tomorrow and have faith that if tomorrow doesn't come God will help me duck and roll with the punches.

I have a Question...and must apologize

How did I manage to fall in love with a tall slim man??? Who is in shape, he could run miles (I don't think I can walk miles these days, pathetic) Not to metion the rest of the family is in extraordinary shape? Is this the cosmos gently telling me I have no excuses? Or perhaps I should just chalk it up to genetics, as I continue to indulge myself with cookies and cokes. Julie (my brother, chris's wife) if you are reading this, I am absolutely sorry that you joined our family when Jessica and I were teenagers that must have totally sucked, and until now, I just did not understand. Forgive us for dragging you to stores that only had sizes that fit girls who played sports for hours a day 6 days a week. I am so grateful you still like us.

I NEVER POSTEDTHIS!!!!

Amazing, I was just going through my photos and i noticed I didn't blog one of the best things ever, I finally got to meet my new sister and brother-n-law and a brand spankin new nephew.

Mike and Rielly Richelle &

Rielly

So i know Mike was dragged on over the mountains, But I sure appreiciate his willingness to come over, even if Richard and I are totally lame and boring, but it was super fantastic to put faces to names. I have been wanting to zoom zoom over the pass to meet the famous Rielly and his lovely mother for months now but alas, stupid school, stupid soccer games, not to metion

stu--- husbands ( I had forgotten how much time they take)lol.

However ,Big thanks, I got to hold the boy and hug the sister and brother. Life is good

New Post, What Time????

I have been busy, sorry ladies, I haven't even had time to chat online with anyone. I am looking forward to the next 3 day weekend. The family is traveling to meet Richard's Grandma Sims. Richard warned me it is a 5 hour drive. To be honest it sounds wonderful a whole 5 hours and nothing to do.

So everyone has been wondering what i have bee up to . First pictrue up is Godzilla's reproductive system...Yes, if you are curious I just took the picture to bother Richard, and he is very, very bothered. Unfortunatly he has been randomly checking my person's for scapels...Oh dear He has such little faith.

Next up is I have been coaching Nicholas's soccer team The Swarm. He actually did play a little bit the other day. It was very refreshing. Our team is actually pretty good. We have 3 young men who are from hispanic descent and have ball handling skills to prove it. Edgar, Jorge and Jose. Alisias is also very athletic and comes away from the swarm of boys with the ball almost every time. Nicholas had too long of a break the last 2 years but he is doing an awesome job sticking with it and calling me coach. The soccer association hasn't been much help but i managed to dye some t shirts and iron on some transfers so our team looks a bit respectable unfrotunately it has taken up a bit of time, I just hope nicholas decides he likes it. According to the associatatoin they want a long term commitment. When I think I can't possibly do it with all of the other things going on in life I feel guilty as I remember all of my coaches who dedicated their time and talents so I could play. Sports teach let us learn invaluable skills that help us throughout our lifetimes. So I am now looking at the catalog trying to decide what color of uniforms we need. I tend to gravitate toward themes. But is yellow and black actually rock or just mom dorkus???

Madison got to spend the weekend riding horses out at the Corbridges this weekend and had a blast with the pigs and teach Buzzi (the horse) who is boss. Well, I think Buzzi showed Mad was in charge but they well get there. Madison got to go on a trail ride. Spoiled, Spoiled Girl. I am grateful for this because Iam starting to run out of quaters. Madison likes to practive her canter on the automatic horse at Fred Meyers

Richard and I got to watch the Malac during church this sunday, We went on a little nature walk the last hour of church, Malac loved the rocks and pine cones. I tried to tie the adventure into Malac discovering God's many wonderful creations but his mom, Megan, wasn't pleased with his dirt covered knees and rock licking mouth. Auntie N will have to do better next time and not let him eat more than one volcanic rock at a time. he hee he

I know, I know that is still not enough going on to explain my lack of communication with everyone. But in picuter number 10 you see my computer and water cup, This is where I spend all of my time when I am not at class. School has been a challenge this semester I enjoy studying, however with Richard in the picture I also like just hanging out with him in the evenings. This is a bit of a diversion to my prior routine of studying all day, coming home kissing kids and then studying until I could n't keep my eyes open anymore. Once again my goal, my aspiration is to find balance between motherhood, being a friend, wife, and student. I haven't given up hope but somedays i don't think I will ever attain zen.

WEEK 3, guess what happened

So i know that we haven't know each other that long but have you ever heard of a GUY mortified of passing gas in front of a chick? Even once she is his wife? I haven't.
I don't know if that means I just knew MANY gross guys or what, But....

it happend, he spoofed as he was falling asleep and woke himself up.
Totally a chesterly thing to do

HA HA HA HA

so i thought i would embarass him a bit more,

Richard, it's ok farts happen.

Oh, GUTS !

So I am determined to pass anatomy with my held up high, so i spent a few extra hours in the lab with my cat which I will refer to as Godzilla from now on, He is the biggest cat Dr. Mattocks has recieved in along time, no one else would take the little fella because, the larger the cat the more tissue to pluck through. I love anantomy, I find it fascinating, except the last two labs I have had this strange reaction a couple of hours later.

Rage and Tears.

I know you expected me to say itching or swelling or a foul stench that wont leave my nose. LOL. But no i experience uncontrollable rage and tears. It took me a little bit to figure out that it raises questions, doubt, fear and anger because I used to clean Greg's guts. I have been frantically looking for the pictures of his wounds and my most awesome wound care skills, but alas I can't find them.

Greg's tissue was dying from the blood vessel constricting due to the vasculities. For a time this only affected his intestines and stomach obviously after his spleen jellified and had to be removed. So the holes (fistulas) would leak, even if he didn't eat. Well it is apparently bad to have stomach and intestine contents making a home within the stomach cavity so I had the chance to clean out the open wound that ran from a touch beneath his diaphragm to a bit above his pubis bone. I felt so guilty cutting the Godzilla open in the same manner. Anyways I could see his small intestines within the wound and would often clean this area. I learned so much from his pain.

I will somehow stop raging and crying when these emotional scars of mine heal. Somehow I will model this life after God's design by making GOOD things come about, despite the hellish circumstances under which I discovered I love playing with guts.

Duh

When you are having a down in the dumps day....

DONT STAND ON THE SCALE

Life can only suck if you do this

An old e-mail

Nine words women use...
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when theyare right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half anhour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothingusually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbalstatement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are anidiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguingwith you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements awomen can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hardbefore deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying BLANK BLANK!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do severaltimes, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a manasking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
So I was skimming my old e mails today trying to delete a few extra things. It actually turned out to be a bit depressing until....I saw the e mail from my sister. I always thought I was a good communicator, I don't think i use these words in the parameters outlined here, But i have been recently been accused of non communication comparable to a certain man I have married. This is pretty amazing because Richard is the King of keeping things to himself. Thought others might want the chance to laugh outloud.

Soccer U-8

So I have once again, said yes to something I do not have time for. Nicholas really wanted to play soccer this year. The problem was all of the teams had full rosters but they still had 7 kids who needed placed. No one was volunteering to coach though. So I decided that if no one else would do it then no one can complain if I am a struggling coach. So our first practice was Thurseday and oh boy, I had a good time but only 3 of the boys showed up and not many parents. Yikes. I was really worried no one would show up for the game on Saturday (yes only 2 days after practice) I managed to make it to the game with a sick sicko Audrey with a temp of 102. The boys worked pretty well together they have some pretty good ball control skills I think we lost but only by one or two, we were pretty competitive which I was surprised at I thought we'd be slaughtered. I did manage to call the kids the wrong names almost the whole game. I couldn't keep Edgar and Eliza straight or Jose and Jole (i don't know how to spell the last name). I did manage to dye and make Ironing transfers to go on the t shirts so we looked a little better than we could have, I even finished making them so I was only 5 minutes late, Yip Yip Hooray. The most challenging thing was the fact that Nicholas refused to play..... He decided it was TOOOO COLD and just huddled on the ground during the whole game. Bless his heart. he complained the whole time. I hope this will get better in the future

Two weeks ago